Will you blow on my dice?
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
