you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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