One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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