So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
