last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize