your parents love me but you hate me
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize