My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
