You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
