So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize