you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
