I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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