I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Randomize
