I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
how drunk are you?
Several
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
