mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
