Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
