You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
