I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
