Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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