Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
