is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
