That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
