Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
