woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
