Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
