Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
