She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
