He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
