lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
