i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
