i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
