dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
