my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
