My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
