went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want nice things and good sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
