it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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