I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
i now understand why vodka
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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