I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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