I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
