We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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