I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
