omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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