this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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