nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
