You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
