3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
