all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
