You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
sarcasm needs its own font
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
