Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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