Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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