Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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