Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
