What a fucking waste of an outfit
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
