There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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