I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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