Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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