I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
