new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize