I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
