Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
