Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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