I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
