So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
