He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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