It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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