She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
