I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
