Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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