i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
